Maternal instinct: why we love our child
Without absolute certainty that they love him, the child will not grow up happy. Maternal instinct will help him bring it up. About how and why he is born - in our material.
The female body is designed in such a way that even if, in the first second after giving birth, a mother, seeing a baby, can experience bewilderment and think: “Oh, God, who is this?” - after a minute, considering it, she falls in love with her toddler a life. "Guided" by love, traditionally hormones.
Austrian psychologist Katharina Krupp tells: “Ideally, the maternal instinct occurs immediately after childbirth, when the amount of hormones in the blood of the mother and her child reaches its maximum. Oxytocin and endorphin released during childbirth affect the brain, changing it so much so that the mother who gave birth and her child very quickly fall in love with each other. ”
At the woman who gave birth and feeding for approximately half a year the consciousness really changes:
- she completely concentrates on the newborn;
- her feelings and desires are dulled;
- her state of health and feelings depend on the condition of the baby;
- she reacts sharply to all that concerns her role as a mother: the comments of doctors and the words of loved ones can easily bring her to tears or cause depression.
In psychological practice, this condition was called "primary maternal concern."
Such increased sensitivity and care are necessary: this is how a woman best contributes to the survival and development of a defenseless infant.
Also inexplicable instinctive wisdom and mood for the child - bonding will help to save the life of the toddler.
Read also:Bonding and its benefits for mom and baby
And if nothing happens
Not all young mothers have a maternal instinct and a crazy love for a baby waking up right away.
Unlike animals, we are less entrenched in our attachment and feelings biologically, and love for a child may well develop later.
Psychologist Vladimir Samchenko tells: “There are studies that mothers whose babies were born after cesarean or during childbirth used serious painkillers and stimulants, love for the baby comes later, and relationships are harder than thosewho gave birth naturally, without medical intervention. "
In addition to pharmaceuticals, psychology also plays a role. "Thanks to" the influence of society, glossy paintings of a brilliantly decorated children's room, creams, diapers and baby food inspire a young mother with a sense of inferiority.
She rushes in a constant race for the ideal between "must give" and "I can not provide." And imperceptibly loses in the process of chasing the most important thing - a quiet love for his baby, an emotional connection with him.
Because the child does not need much. In fact, everything he genuinely needs - a secluded place next to his mother, love and mother's milk.
How about a baby?
The kid has time to "love" mom after the very first meeting in the delivery room. Due to the connection that has arisen during pregnancy, it is she who is the only one who must be there, giving a feeling of security and peace.
In order for the relationship between the closest people in the world to form correctly, contact has arisen, they need to understand and feel each other.
So it's important to avoid fuss with weighing, measurements and other medical manipulations immediately after birth.All these hospital rituals can be found a little later, now the main thing is to wake up the emotions.
Thanks to his inner affinity with his mother, he recognizes her much earlier than the others, and she begins to smile purposefully, setting her apart from the environment.
Observations have shown that the newborn turns its head precisely at the sound of the mother’s voice, and not of the doctor’s, it tends to smell like mother’s milk, and not the milk of another woman.
Moms love differently
The maternal instinct is inherent in us by nature, but, unfortunately, it can not be learned. The depth of the relationship with the child of each mother depends on her personal history.
There are no bad mothers, just each of us has our own childhood, the amount of love given by parents, our own attitude towards ourselves, towards our partner, towards our pregnancy and the state after it.
It is important to understand the problems, accept your personal history, find what is not, share what is too much and just give your love to the child.
Because each of us has only one statement, in the correctness of which I would like to be sure, as in an axiom, and not to prove, as a theorem.
This is the feeling that mom loves you. And when all the other bastions are crumbling around, this is the only one that must stand indestructible.
It is he who will help the child to grow up a happy and dignified person.